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Global Nomad Travel

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Ever wanted to travel around the world, but not sure what you're in for? This is the storyboard for the Ribatron-don: A hold-no-bars truthful, blunt, humorous and unedited magazine about the hell and heaven of continent jumping.

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Cusco Festival and Pre-Inca Trail

06/18/10

The drums wailed and trumpets blasted, creating a wall of noise around us we leaned against in silence. With her back against a wall, the sun´s glow burnished Boxie-boo´s skin. She watched out wearing a smile on her face of permanent stone. In each direction, young children kicked off the Cusco Festival, sending goosebumps across my skin and waves of music through my veins. The entire city was alive with colour, personality and a feeling of community unmatched anywhere else on our around the world trip.

“This town is amazing,” Boxie-boo said, her voice slurred and out of breath from high altitude. The sun seemed to close in around her. Energy in every direction. A movement of electricity. The parade of children continued: Dancing, smiling, playing instruments, their oufits colourful from large feathers to high hats glittering with stones. She smiled at me and gripped my hand, a moment worthy of a photograph and also a high five from my readers.

Before we left Canada, I had planned for Peru to be our last stop for three reasons - end with one last hike through the Inca Trail and arrive for both the Cusco Festival and Inti Raymi, the Inca celebration for the Sun God. Though our day was spent mostly shopping for our hiking supplies, we were fully entertained, though I was envious, of the men who were followed my packs of sheep, dressed like ancient priests and belting out high-pitch notes with instruments made of bones. All I could do was whistle quietly, making me feel no more adequate than my testicals would feel if I had no penis.

As Boxie-boo continuously pointed out, I needed new shoes. My shoes had the body of a battered and abused crocodile, the facial expression of a teased duck, front lip extended and pouting upwards, with heals touching what was left of my flattened rubber grip, sole broken right through. Boxie-boo convinced me to buy new shoes, which were cheap in Cusco, so we also bought two pairs of new socks for each of us. My sweet mercifcul crap! New socks for us, after months of travel, made our feet feel finer than baby hairs. I wanted to burp my big toes, but decided instead to mimic Boxie-boo´s happy dance.

Our shopping list also included: Gatorade powder, granola bars, winter jackets (two North Face bartered down to $39 U.S. total), toques, gloves, a little bit of candy, and due to Boxie-boo´s decision to throw out her small backpack (I warned her not to), we had to buy another one. Since I like shopping about as much as I enjoy lighting my underwear on fire, I was glad the festival turned a boring day into a fun and exciting afternoon. Though, this did not last long.

Andex Adventure, the travel agency with whom we reserved our Inca Trail trip with through Cusco Explorers, did not live up to its written contract. Our free hotel pick-up never happened at the airport and we never received one free night accommodation in Cusco. My email of complaint received a new, edited version of our previous receipt, stating the promises were “typing errors.” We were also under the impression that sleeping bags and a porter was included. Instead, we had to pay $130 U.S. extra, a handing over of cash to a Cusco Explorer employee that made me wish I had pooped on my own hand.

This is backpacking, I suppose. Sometimes we can fight con-artist companies who take advantage of tourists, other times we cannot. In this case, I wrote multiple emails of complaint, phoned and stomped my feet like an elephant on steriods. Nothing worked. Even my telepathic attempt to communicate with the Tom Cruise did not help. It was too late for a refund and we were set to wake up early for our last adventure - a four-day, three-night hike through the Andes Mountains to Machu Picchu.

At night, while the drums echoed across the ceiling, I looked up at the white paint and thought of our last adventure left. I heard myself in Boxie-boo´s voice. I leaned on my side to view her from another angle.

“I´m nervous about the hike,” she said, her fingers nervous and twiddling together.

“Me too, babe,” I responded, then kissed her forehead. “We´ll will do it together.”

That´s all for now.

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